Ramblings

I thought it was about time for another post. It's been awhile. Plus a lot has been going on: my grandfather died, I graduated, I'm trying to secure a summer job, I'm looking for a (3rd) roommate in Pittsburgh, and I'm getting grad school stuff squared away. There's also a lot going on here at home, plus just a lot of adjustment in general. I'd love to sit down and just think about everything and really be "present" with it all, but there's so much else to do!

I need something to read before I order my grad school books and dig into those. I started Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, and although I like it, it's long (700 pages), and I think I want something shorter, so I can actually accomplish something. I'm taking suggestions (for your convenience, please use the comments feature).

I made a list of daily things I want to do. Today, I didn't do half of them. Oh well. There's tomorrow. And today was pretty full--I don't feel like I wasted much of it doing nothing. I was doing a lot on my other list--that's my to do list, that's not a daily list, but rather a do-these-things-once-because-they're-important-for-my-well-being list. Do what you can, and then some, if you can sacrifice a little sleep.

Some things on my mind, some of which maybe I'll get to journal about in more detail if I don't fall asleep in the next 15 minutes as it is 2:15am right now: emotional horror, being "present" (something I picked up from the Spences) which is to say really experiencing what is going on now, ends and endings, relationships and love, growing up and growing older. The last bit comprises many things: realizing how much I've grown, realizing how much I have to learn and how much I need to grow, and coming to grips with how terrible and beautiful the world is, sometimes at the same time.

I'm also left wondering what I'm going to do about it. But I think just knowing what I'm doing for the next year is good enough for right now.