Open

I've been wanting to write a post for awhile, but simply haven't gotten around to it. Not that I've been extremely busy. I have a part time job, and moreover, I was off this week. The rest of my time, bar family/household obligations, is pretty much up to me. But I don't like to just sit around. I like to hang out when I can(but I'm trying to conserve the gas, because it ain't cheap). I'm doing reading for grad school, to better cushion my "fall" into the loads of work that is impending come the end of August. Each day brings one or two more grad books in the mail thanks to Half.com. I've also been keeping up with my Greek studies, although I didn't do any this week (there's still tomorrow...er, today). I've also been reading Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man, which is lengthy at almost 600 pages. I'm over halfway done, but it's looong. Good, but long. Further, I've been working on my writing. I've got a poem in the works right now, which I'm pretty excited about.

So, you know, I haven't been bored. And I've spent a good bit of time with my brother and sister who I don't get to see much of at all during the school year, and I certainly won't be seeing much of when I move to Pittsburgh. And I'm glad for that. Besides the fact the obvious fact of spending time with them, they're helping me hone my DDR and billiard skills.

I'm going to start looking at Ph.D. programs real soon. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe Sunday. (I have to tutor my cousin in Spanish tomorrow.) I'm slightly nervous because it's a big commitment. And it's not that I don't want to get my Ph.D. I do. I'm just not sure if now's the time. But maybe now is the time. Recently, I've been trying to be more open to things. I've been digging through my CD discard pile (not the old, old discard pile, mind you, but one of the more recent ones...yes, there's more than one, and yes these piles are many CDs high), and I've listened to *some* stuff I've essentially thrown away (but I have a really hard time throwing away CDs, although I did destroy a Big Tent Revival CD once when I was high school), and wondered why I was so picky. Okay, so there's a good reason why most of that stuff is in the pile, but there are some dull gems...I'm talking mostly individual tracks. Anyway, this is getting old real fast...

My point is that, I'm trying to open my ears to new things (or old things that my ears, or any sensory organ for that matter, have been previous closed to). I'm trying to be less critical, less judgmental, and just more open in general. I think my previous overly-judicious nature (I think one needs to be somewhat judicious) has hampered me in enjoying many things, moments and even people. And what does that have to do with me? I want to make sure I'm open to myself. I don't want to be so critical of my options, of my desires, that I hinder myself from doing something I really love.

Which brings me to my next quandary: "What good is it?" That's the question someone posited for me today when I told them academic plans to study rhetoric and linguistics. Isn't it good enough just to love it (as long as it isn't harming other people or myself, obviously)? I have answers I can give, but really, it just boils down to I like it. It's hard for me right now to see that far into the future to see what good it will be. And if I were pursuing writing or music, I'd be even more dumbfounded. I like to write. I like to play music.

And for right now passion and joy might have to be enough. I think a friend of mine put it well: "The language of accomplishment is not what we find in the Bible." Instead, he says, we should do what we love. It is just very hard to get past the idea of 1) failure and 2) wasting time, not to mention trusting that you'll be able to make support yourself. However, I suppose if we are only concerned with enjoying what God has created us to enjoy, we can't but help but be useful in the sense that we would be a part of that which is bringing about a great and beautiful change in the world.

Time to Blog

It's time to blog again. But as I write this blog, I wonder, is blogging worth the time?

Oh, well. Let's get to it.

I purchased my first books for grad school today. That's kind of a big step I think, in a small way. I'm excited about them, which is, admittedly, a bit dorky, but oh well. I think if by now I haven't realized I'm a dork, I shouldn't be going off to school again...

A movie recommendation: Knocked Up. Yeah, so a lot of people, especially my more conservative, religious friends have been put off by its title. But, I think it's just down right hilarious. I can't say it's never crude for the sake of being crude, but I think it's saying a lot about marriage, relationships, and gender-relations, and gender stereotypes. And believe it or not, I think it's actually pretty wholesome. It's Judd Apatow after all who gave us 40-Year-Old Virgin, which applauds its main character, despite poking some fun at his naivete, although clearly criticizing his sex-obsessed co-workers, who remains sexually abstinent until he marries at the end. If you liked 40-Year-Old Virgin, you'll like this, although I think that the humor and writing in this movie are sharper and the critiques of contemporary culture deeper.

I recently attempted to read British author Ian McEwan's Saturday. After about a hundred pages, I put it down. It just didn't keep my attention. I thought the style was drab and the story, which was kind of interesting got bogged down with a lot of seeming pointless scenes--or at the very least, they were scenes that didn't engage me at all. I only wanted to rush through them to get to what I hoped to be a more interesting part.

Now I have picked up Ralph Ellison's only novel, Invisible Man, a classic, and am enjoying it thoroughly.

I watched The Prestige with my brother and sister last night and was pleasantly surprised by it. It's not the greatest movie ever or anything, but it is a solid, enjoyable film that's a cut above you're average Hollywood drivel, even if it's not going to go on my favorite's list on Facebook.

Oh, and I've recently discovered Google Reader, which is very awesome, but time consuming. So here's a link to my public page.

That's all for now. Tune in next time.

Skin Cells instead of Embryonic Stem Cells

This sounds promising.

US' First Climate Refugees

Read about the some of the United States's first climate refugees.

The Fast Has Been Broken

So, it's been four years. And today I finally broke it.

I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

That's right, I haven't eaten a PBJ since high school? Why? Well, because all through high school, and a good bit of my schooling before, that was all I ate. And so, by the time I received my high school diploma, I couldn't stand Skippy and Smuckers anymore. And then today, I had the strongest craving for it. And I tend to listen to my body when it comes to these things, and so I spread some peanut butter and grape jelly on two pieces of oatmeal bread and ate it with a glass of milk. And after I was done--I wanted more! (But I didn't.) I think that's what I'll have for lunch tomorrow (if I have time between work and the viewing).

Yeah, I know, profound stuff.

Well, originally I had some links here to some political articles, but then my computer shut down because of the heat, and the links didn't get saved and I'm too lazy to relink them. Looks like this is going to be a post all about my fluctuating tastes. Although, just so you know (here comes something vague), I had a very relevatory (Google says this isn't a word) thought today, that's actually pretty significant for me personally. But I don't quite know what to do with it, or rather what to do with myself now that it's hit me. Hmm... I guess if you want to know and you know me, you could ask, and you might get lucky. But you probably don't care. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are more interesting.

Ramblings

I thought it was about time for another post. It's been awhile. Plus a lot has been going on: my grandfather died, I graduated, I'm trying to secure a summer job, I'm looking for a (3rd) roommate in Pittsburgh, and I'm getting grad school stuff squared away. There's also a lot going on here at home, plus just a lot of adjustment in general. I'd love to sit down and just think about everything and really be "present" with it all, but there's so much else to do!

I need something to read before I order my grad school books and dig into those. I started Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, and although I like it, it's long (700 pages), and I think I want something shorter, so I can actually accomplish something. I'm taking suggestions (for your convenience, please use the comments feature).

I made a list of daily things I want to do. Today, I didn't do half of them. Oh well. There's tomorrow. And today was pretty full--I don't feel like I wasted much of it doing nothing. I was doing a lot on my other list--that's my to do list, that's not a daily list, but rather a do-these-things-once-because-they're-important-for-my-well-being list. Do what you can, and then some, if you can sacrifice a little sleep.

Some things on my mind, some of which maybe I'll get to journal about in more detail if I don't fall asleep in the next 15 minutes as it is 2:15am right now: emotional horror, being "present" (something I picked up from the Spences) which is to say really experiencing what is going on now, ends and endings, relationships and love, growing up and growing older. The last bit comprises many things: realizing how much I've grown, realizing how much I have to learn and how much I need to grow, and coming to grips with how terrible and beautiful the world is, sometimes at the same time.

I'm also left wondering what I'm going to do about it. But I think just knowing what I'm doing for the next year is good enough for right now.

"So it goes..."

Kurt Vonnegut died today at the age of 84. Here's an article here.